Hi Alan,
Although I couldn't see the issue, I'm still perplexed about it. I have a few remaining ideas which I'd like to test tomorrow.
1. Firmware versions, today I tested with an 1800-8G and an 1800-24G, I did have an updated firmware version from HP on one of them for a separate issue (there are no updates on the website though so you need to contact HP support to get this). The firmware versions didn't seem to make any difference but it would be still good to note what versions you're running.
2. Since you only have the 24-port versions I thought maybe I should be testing with 24-port switches only. What ports are you using as uplinks?
3. I need to check how fast the DL 380 that I was using can really transfer data, going gig-to-gig I was only getting about 230Mbit which may not be enough to overwhelm the switch when going to a 100Mbit device.
4. Back to flow-control, I have a feeling that maybe the switch can receive it's flow control settings from the client when auto-negotiating with a 100Mbit client. e.g, if the client has flow control enabled and is set to Auto, the switch will automatically enable flow-control on its port.
This could explain why you need to also enable flow control on the trunk which would give you end-to-end flow control, finally back to the server which would also be told to pause it's frames. It also explains why you do not need to enable flow control when the 100Mbit is connected directly to same switch as the server.
I've found a few OIDs in the RFC that seem to hint at this so I'll check this theory out tomorrow.
One question for you is that on the 100Mbit client NICs, do you know what their flow control is currently set to?